He met a girl that wrote obscure words on walls behind paintings in hotel corridors. She wrote in pink felt tip pen and underlined them three times. Beautiful, archaic words. Ophryon. Impecunious. Difficult words that confuse the tongue. Librocubicularist. Euneirophrenia. Childish, silly words. Nelipot. Dibble. He searched for these words, behind drab renditions of pears and oranges, bland portraits of far-off sailboats, inoffensive, nondescript patterns of beige and grays. Behind these, pink words were hidden like gems by a girl he spoke to once. She didn't speak back. She pretended she was deaf.

I watched this movie tonight. It wasn't very good, and it was sad. My favourite part was her pink words behind paintings. The movie never explained why she did that. Do people ever write things in secret and actually not want people (someone, sometime, somewhere) to read them? I wonder.

It has been a while. A few things have happened.

My mum's sister, older than her by one year, passed away on Tuesday. She had a full recovery from a battle with breast cancer a few years ago, and then within one month developed caner in her liver and spine. She died a mere eight days after receiving the news. It was, mercifully, very quick.

We are all grieving the loss of her in our lives - she was our closest family member, and now the five of us (my father, mother, and older brother and sister) are all feeling the importance and value of family.

Along with the grief of my own loss, our collective family's loss, and particularly my mother's loss, I am slowly coming to terms with experiencing the death of a loved one who was not saved by Christ.

Death is real. And it is near. God's grace and mercy is real. And it is here, and it will cover you and hold you. And the latter has and will destroy the former.

My family do not know Jesus Christ as their saviour and king. There is urgency, here. There is such urgency. Please pray for them and for me - that I might be praying every day for their salvation, and not afraid to speak the truth openly and honestly. Also, please pray for Josh and I, that married we might be faithful witnesses to my family.

I pray that soon, I will be able to pray wholeheartedly for Jesus' return, not fearful for the eternal lives of my dear mum and dad, brother and sister.

感谢主 for... for...

Some people's lives begin and end with pain. And every day in the middle - hear me when I say this, every day - is a struggle and obstacle and failure. Some people never trust Jesus. They die in darkness and pain.

感谢主 for summer holidays

You know what I love about summer holidays? Here's a few things.

That summer holidays are actually winters in Hong Kong.
Reading Austen fan fiction. (Yes. I am that lame.) Particularly Pride and Prejudice adapted to the world of professional ballerinas.
Going on day-trips to China with my Mum. More for the time spent together than the trip, the destination, or the shopping. I don't have the shopping-stamina she does.
Sugary drinks from Starbucks or Pacific Coffee: Christmas Mint Mochas, Toffee-Nut Lattes, Brulee Cappuccinos.
Watching a whole BBC series in one day.
Spending as long as I like at the gym.
Weekends with my dad.
Grocery shopping every day, spending hours cooking elaborate dinners every night.
Feeling snug under three doonas and my warmest flannel PJs.
Reading historical fiction in coffee shops on the 25th floor.
Getting mani-pedis and reading terrible magazines with my awesome sister.

感谢主 for beautiful days

Yesterday morning, the boy I've pretty much been in love with since I was 15, asked me to marry him.

I said yes. :)

He asked me on some rocks looking out to sea near Bondi beach, after reading James and praying to our gracious Father. He got down on one knee and I dropped my Bible. It was fairly perfect. :)

感谢主 for non-biological sisters

Tonight, in the midst of painful longing for my dear brothers and sisters far across the seas, in the midst of loneliness in a city I somehow never feel I belong to, in the midst of discontent in the dislocation that makes sinking into communities so difficult, I received an email full of prayer requests from a dear, dear friend. She is hurting tonight, as I am hurting. She needs God's love and grace, as I do. She is seeking to give all these concerns over to Jesus, as I am. What great timing our loving Father has: that, hanging up the phone in loneliness and grief, I open my computer and seek distraction, finding instead a heart similarly breaking. And how counter-intuitive these relationships we yearn for, that a sister's pain and pleas for help from our Father would be such a blessing. Oh, Father. Loving Dad. How we need You.

感谢主 for random acts of kindness

I was just walking along Carillion Ave back to college after coffee with my dear friend Alice, when I saw something amazing. A woman who had just parked was scrounging around in her handbag looking for coins for the parking meter, when another woman walked up to her and offered her a ticket to put in her windscreen. The first woman was puzzled, and the second explained that there was another hour left on her ticket, and she had to leave, so would she like to have a free hour of parking?

Hecks yes, she would.

People can be so nice.

感谢主 for blogs, and for His awesome timing.

I don't really read blogs much. I certainly don't often read them if I don't know the person who wrote them. About 2 minutes ago I was avoiding reading a book called "Milestones in Sino-Western Literary Confrontation: 1898-1979" and stumbled upon this post.

It feels like barbed wire around my heart. 感谢主.

娜拉走后怎样 (鲁迅）

选择的原因： 这篇文章和我今年要写得论文相关

文章的总结和批评： 这篇文章谈的是娜拉走了以后，她会怎么样？会怎么活下去？而且如果女性会向她这么做，堕落还是成功是最可能的？

鲁迅最重要的观念是在经济方面。他说，如果娜拉和其他女性有办法挣钱她们才能实际独立的生活。从这种想法我们能看出来虽然鲁迅很务实的， 但是他也是有一点悲观。我想易卜生写了傀儡家庭不是全部为了描述一个真正的家庭， 他的戏剧并没有完全现实主义的态度，而他写的是为了宣传他的一个观念，这就是男性和女性要平等，女性要独立，有自己的性格想望，不应该总是由丈夫的性格而造自己的。他的意思不一定是要每个妻子，母亲都闯出去独立地生活，他反而知识要让人们仔细的考虑这种事情。

说实话我想这篇文章实际的重要性并不是女性能不能独立的可能性，而却是这篇文章给我们透露当时人对易卜生所宣传的观念是怎么看的。 当时易卜生推进的概念很受欢迎，五四的知识分子把他的概念和作品用在改革文学，改革文化动力的正当理由， 所以认真地读和分析这种文章能帮我们理解当时人的观念。

感谢主 for boring postgrad classes

Every wednesday night at 5-7 I have a postgrad international comparative literature seminar. Usually I love it. Last night it was boring. So I drew a picture:




And wrote a song:

But first, some context. Every week on Wednesday mornings I meet with a Taiwanese student called Samantha.* She comes from a typical background of a kind of mix of Buddhism and ancestor worship, and is "interested in exploring" Christianity. She has been to church a couple of times and has a Chinese bible which she has been trying to read herself. The first time we met I asked her what she'd been reading and what she thought, and she said she had started with Romans 8. What a first impression! At the moment we're going through Matthew, and time with her is incredibly exciting and humbling. She's super intelligent and grasps concepts well very quickly, and apart from just having someone to think things through with and reflect on stuff, I don't think I'm all that helpful. The challenge is drawing her out and getting her to talk about her own spirituality, not the Bible and Christianity as an abstracted "your" religion rather than something to consider for herself. Please pray for this!

So with these things and others on my mind, and kind of in response to a church talk we had ages ago on Christians being "cellophane" through which Jesus can be seen, I wrote these lyrics in class yesterday (with a vague idea of chords/melody but nothing substantial yet):


Cellophane

Don't listen to me too closely
I desire to be salty, but take a pinch of salt with my words as spoken
Cause this talking won't save anything
of the darkness in me and you
I desire to be light,
that this torch I hold might lead you home,
but it's not me, in the end, that you need.

So take my hand, please, and walk with me
but look at me and let it not be flesh and blood you see
look at me and see through me to a saviour
more real and more worthy than I can ever be

Sit and talk with me, open to verses familiar and new
and to my surprise you'll explain them to me better than I to you
Surprise, my wasted heart is beating with thanks
while all my wisdom is broken, foolish and shamed

Let's keep talking of love and law and grace,
and I'll fail to explain Matthew 6 and you'll have started with Romans 8
And I'll feel silly and hollow and fake,
cause how much light can one hour once a week shine?
Far more if I'm made of cellophane.

So take my hand while we're both balancing,
and keep your eyes on me but let it not be me you see
See through my words, promises to a saviour strong and holy
more real and worthy to guide you than I can ever be



*Names have been changed.

感谢主 for strange people on public transport

Tonight, I went for dinner and a movie with my very old friend Bec.

Aside： Cool story. Bec and I went to high school together for a few years (incidentally, so did our mothers). We were very close but lost touch after I moved to St. Andrews. Three years later, we were at the same Crusaders HSC study camp, and quickly discovered that in those three years, both Bec and I had became Christians. We both come from non-Christian families and backgrounds and since meeting up again then, Bec has been a great encouragement to me, and I am so, so thankful for her friendship and love. 感谢主， for he works behind the scenes, when we're not looking.

So. Back to the story. Bec and I went to Wagamama for dinner and saw Fame. Good movie - not as good as the original, or the original series. Not the point of this post.

I caught the bus there and back. It's only a 15minute trip from college, and usually I turn on my iPod and it all goes very quickly. Tonight, on the way in, the bus driver welcomed me as I stepped onto the bus, told me to "find a seat with a view" and proceeded to give the whole bus a rather peculiar tour of Broadway and George St as we made our way into the city. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard (or loudly) on public transport before. There wasn't anything inherently hilarious in what he was saying - the whole experience was just bizarre and everyone on the bus - especially those that had just gotten on - was so bemused. I ended up chatting to the woman behind me and the man in front, something I would never (and this is the total city-girl in me speaking) ever ever do on public transport normally - but this driver just got everyone so relaxed.

No, I didn't have an Essential Jesus in my bag, and I didn't have some great evangelising experience, although perhaps there were opportunities there that I didn't jump at. I'm not really sure. It was just a really, really enjoyable few minutes. And I really, really loved Sydney right then.

After the movie I walked Bec to the train station and caught the bus home. I was listning to Panic! At the Disco (latest album - Pretty.Odd. <3 it.) and this guy gets up, walks across the aisle and says something to me. Obviously I can't hear him so I stop the music and say "Sorry?"
"I said, are you okay?"
I raised my eyebrows. "Yeah! Yeah I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" He looked pretty normal, except that his scarf was really long.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Why?"
"Oh, you just looked really sad, that's all."
I try and not look to weirded out. He doesn't seem threatening.
"No, no, I'm fine. Just, you know, concentrating on my music or something."
"Oh okay." He starts walking back to his chair, and I realise he isn't going to try to prolong the conversation or start anything funny.
"Thanks though!" I say it a little too loudly - I'm not terribly interested in drawing the attention of the whole bus to this little exchange, but I'm genuinely touched. I don't think there was anything going on there, other than honest kindness, and he wasn't acting weirdly to anyone else around him.

TBQH, I enjoy a bit of crazy public transport behaviour. Especially in calm, familiar Sydney. It's nice to feel connected to the big, wide, world of strangers. 感谢主, for we're made to be connected and in community, to care about and love each other. Even if that's just a quick inquiry of a stranger on a bus whom you'll never see again.

Tonight, I also spilled candy all through my handbag. Reaching in there for the next few days is going to be pretty exciting. 感谢主 for candy, also.

x

Today, when the sun rose, the world was orange.

So much for my morning run.

First: A confession and an explanation.

First, the confession.

Actually, I am not new to blogging. For a long time I kept a kind of journal-blog, the premise of which was to serve as a place for ranting and venting - my own little corner of the cyberworld where I could say whatever I liked. That blog was fundamentally self-centered and self-serving, full of things I wouldn't ever actually say to anyone. It covers some interesting years of my life, starting a little after I had met Jesus, long before I knew Him, and continuing until quite recently. It has now been deleted and this one started in its place.

Now for the explanation. The title is Chinese, and means, in the closest English rendering, 'thanks be to God.' It can also be imperative, however - as in 'thank God.' This URL is the same words in pinyin, the romanized form of Chinese. It is my hope that this will gradually become a bilingual blog - not just an excuse for me to practice my written Chinese but a chance to reach Chinese friends with Christ-centered writings in their own language. I am thankful that our Saviour is not a mere Western cultural relic!

With that said:

Hi :) I'm Tori.

I was born on the 17th of Feb, 1988, and was reborn as a child of God somewhere between 2005 and 2008. It was more of a process than a flash of light.

I grew up in Sydney, but now my parents and my older sister live in Hong Kong. My older brother lives in Macau. I live in Sydney, and try to see them in the holidays. In Sydney I study - at the moment that means writing a massive thesis on Chinese literature. Basically, I'm reading lots. In the last few years I've been blessed with opportunities to spend a lot of time studying in China. I itch to return.

In short, my present is in Sydney, my family is in Hong Kong, my heart is in China, and my hope is in Jesus. My life of late seems to revolve around juggling all of the above, and it looks like it might stay that way for a while.

But, in displacement too, there are things to be thankful for.

Philippians 3:20 But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ

感谢主。

你好 :) 我叫沈唯雅。

我1988年2月17日出生，大概三四年前被耶稣拯救了。这并不是一下子就得救了，而是一种过程。

我在悉尼长大了，但目前我父母和姐姐住香港。我哥哥住在澳门。我自己一个人住在悉尼，每个暑假寒假尽量到那边看他们。我在悉尼读书，今年要写一篇关于中国现代文学的论文。因此我需要读的书非常非常的多。这几年，主给我很多机会去中国留学， 感到特别幸福， 很想回去。

总之， 我的现在于悉尼，我的家人于香港，我的未来于中国，而我其希望于耶稣基督。最近好像我的生活都围绕怎么处理这些问题，而且看起来这几年还不会有办法解决。

然而，在这种不安，不稳定的生活，还有要感谢主的事情。

Php 3:20 我们却是天上的国民，并且等候救主，就是主耶稣基督从天上降临。